I’m curled up in my bed underneath a whole heap of blankets. I’m shivering and my head is heavy. The cold that I have been trying to ignore the last couple of days finally caught up with me. I usually just try to fight colds by not acknowledging that they are lurking there, behind the curtains. If my head gets heavy I take paracetamol, if I get cold I dress warmer and if I have a fitness class planned – I go. No matter what.
I have learned a lot so far in my life. To take chances, be brave, to work hard and try even harder. I have learned to forgive, have patience, give second chances and not judge. But I have one very important thing to learn in order to live long and be healthy. I need to get better at being sick.
I’m a person with high ambitions and goals that sometimes seem impossible to reach. I want to make this world a better place, step by step. But somewhere in the back of my mind I realize that I will not be able to do anything if I do not learn to take care of myself. But it’s funny how the mind works. When I think about being sick and staying home for, let’s say three days, my stress levels rise through the roof.
You know that infamous FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out. Or in my case, FONAPOT – Fear Of Not Always Performing On Top.
This time I can’t ignore being sick, it hit me harder this time. The way I guess it has to go when you ignore the first signs. It hits you harder the second time. And I KNOW THAT. Still I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over and over again.
And I keep asking myself the same question, What am I so afraid of?
I have no answer to my own question. But today I will cancel all my plans and stay in bed (or the sofa might be more convenient with a two year old in the house) and stay put until this cold is over. The world will not fall while I’m away. And what I accomplish in this life will not depend on what I do, or don’t do, during the next coming days. Life will go on.